**THIS JUST IN**
Mr. Sebek is really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really OLD!
What is known about Mr. Sebek? First of all we know that he is very old. He predates most other living things on Earth. Mr. Sebek has (according to our sources) witnessed the rise and fall of the dinosaurs, numerous ice ages, and the rise of human civilization. What can be learned about this enigma of a man, or is he even a man at all? More evidence and information will be posted soon.
This information was stolen by Kyle from Mr. Sebek's office. We believe it to be a stone tablet from his very early diary:
Mr. Sebek no like monkeys. They come into Mr. Sebek's cave today and throw feces at me. Me throw rocks at them but they too crafty and hit me in eyes with feces. Me yell really loud and they finally go away. Me think me need to take drastic measures, so me set up big rock to dorp from ceiling. That show monkeys.
Kyle will try to steal more of this ancient diary soon.
We have found one of Mr. Sebek's offspring! His name is Mark Sebek or "Sebek Jr." as most people call him. He is possibly the hairiest man alive. Some theorize that he was born during the last ice age, and the hair is his natural defense to the extreme cold. He is much the same in hieght and stature as his father, but is much younger. It has been said that there may be another son, younger, named Tim. This can't be proved, but there have been referances to him on in many cave paintings in and around the Sebek family cave.
~From "The Old Man Diaries: A Study of Mr. Sebek"
This just in, from zombiebob
"Hi, Im in mr sebeks weighttraining for the mentally challenged class. I went to go buy a sandwich at zombietuckers high school they make the best blt ( brains lettuce tomato) ever, and they just assumed i had down syndrom. everybody started calling me aaron, and when i told them i was a zombie it just fed the down syndrome fire. Anyways, today old sebek yelled at one of the retarted children. He said that in his day ( which he later said was the mezosoic era) they dropped a big rock on the heads of people useless to the community ( i.e. retarted children, cripples, and the elderly). Mr sebek said that he would stoned ( because he's old) but he happened to be the village chief. and you thought humans were only around since 10,000 years ago. Heck, zombies have been around since the ice age.... and everybody knows the human came before the zombie. Last weekk I was buying pie in the store and i dropped the pie and had to pay for the pie, so I says to the clerk, this pie better taste like good pie, or im gunna be mad, cause i didn't even eat the pie. afterwards the dectective asked me whether or not i would enjoyy top pput the cat on the cat shelf., but when i asked about my cake, I t was already gone. WHO could have done this? I wondered? was it tricky baboon? was it doctor bald? * this just in.... zombiebob is a moron- zombietucker
Mr. Sebek no like those wily monkies!!!!